i had alot of stress from sch
which took the dark forms of essays and presentations
but also manifested themselves through friends
and thru my boyfriend
i had alot of angry posts that i wanted to post up
but reading them only made me fume more
so i decided to keep them as dairy entries
for my own refrences and to remind me what i have been doing
things were bad
but now i know what is wrong
i didn't see it earlier
guess i was too busy trying to run away to face the truth
trying to bury myself in a world of dreams
and in the world of others
that i didn't see myself falling
and destroying almost everything around me
hmmm.. sounds like i'm an atomic bomb
how apt!
i admit i like escaping
i admit i don't enjoy exhbiting my problems to the world
there are only a selected few that i would express my difficulties to
sometimes i find it best to tell strangers
because they have nothing to judge you upon
and more often than not, strangers are kinder to you
i just don't like sharing my problems
because i feel that not many would understand
and by telling them to others i only make others worry
they can't help the situation
and i hate complaining when i know that,
that complaining isn't doing anything
plus i don't like people thinking i am a basket case
althought i am fully aware i am
so i just go abt my day.. like a bird in her cage
not many will begin to understand the shit i have to endure
and shit i have gone through
so don't say or whisper in my ear
'i understand'
because that is the problem you don't
and i hate people who pretend they know
maybe that is my problem..
i only listen to people who i feel have experience
or to those who i feel understand
but when someone who doesn't know anything gives me advice
i tell myself..
why does this person say what they say?
are they any better to tell me off?
to tell me what i am doing wrong or right?
does this advice apply in my situation?
oh please.. spare me the agony
just leave me alone
oh i just realised this is the 'nice' version
of one of my angry hateful post
maybe i just want to feel angry
to have a reason to hate the world
like any other agonized writer haha
leon has been very sweet
althougt we fight almost every other day
and we argue about everything under the bloody sun
i know that he knows me the most
because he has seen my good side, my ugly side and my devil side
which i would say only my parents siblings and him have seen
he has been patient with this horrible girl
who wants everything her way
who has a vengence with the world or so it seems
but he adds salt more than sooths it some times haha
sad to say
but having him by my side
even when he says nothing at all
gives me comfort
(especially when he says nothing at all hahahaha)
